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Tue, 13 Nov 2018

Northeast Today

Up until 25, I used to think about suicide: AR Rahman

Up until 25, I used to think about suicide: AR Rahman
November 05
15:16 2018

NET Bureau

Music composer AR Rahman has garnered a name for himself all across the world. However, before making it big in life, Rahman was going through a difficult phase in life. He said that he felt like a failure and contemplated suicide almost everyday.

Rahman shared, “Up until 25, I used to think about suicide. Most of us feel that we’re not good enough. I lost my father so there was always this void. There were so many things happening and in a way, it made me fearless. Death is permanent. Since everything has an expiry date, there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

But, things took a turn for the 51-year-old composer when built his recording studio in his backyard in Chennai. He added, “Before that, things were dormant so may be it the feeling manifested then. Because of my father’s death and the way he was working, I didn’t do many films. I did two out of 35. Everyone wondered ‘How are you going to survive? You have everything, grab it.’ I was 25 then. I couldn’t do that. It’s like eating everything. You become numb. So even if you eat small meals, you make it fulfilling.”

Rahman was nine-years-old when his father R K Shekhar – also a music composer – passed away. His family had to rent their musical equipment to make ends meet. Rahman himself ventured into music at a very young age.

He continued, “I finished everything between the age of 12 to 22. It was boring for me to do all the normal stuff. I didn’t want to do it.” Before making his debut as a composer in Mani Ratnam’s Roja in 1992, Rahman and his family embraced Sufi Islam. He also changed his name from Dileep Kumar – which he despised – and let go of all the baggage of the past.

Speaking of his original name, the composer confessed, “I never liked my original name Dileep Kumar. I don’t even know why I hated it. I felt it didn’t match my personality. I wanted to become another person. I felt like that would define and change my whole being. I wanted to get rid of all the past luggage.”

Rahman has discussed his tough times in his biography called Notes of a Dream, which is written by Krishna Trilok. The book was launched in Mumbai on Saturday.

 

Source: The Express Tribune

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