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Thu, 12 Dec 2019

Northeast Today

Who puts the “LICK” in REPUBLICK!?

Who puts the “LICK” in REPUBLICK!?
April 06
13:38 2019

Every evening at 9, our hearts collectively pound as cupid strikes with his swaying forehead hair. Dinner feels banal without his voice pushing the food down our throats. The melting smirk, the unabashed sycophancy, the mockery-making of the forth pillar of democracy. REPUBLICK GROSSWAMI, We give our first love to you!


Mowgli ji and Encounter Shah were once having an intense deliberation over steaming cups of gaumutra. They decided to host a contest, “Who could be the greatest Bhakt ever?”

In no time, the news spread like wildfire as UNESCO declared it the Best Contest ever by the Best PM in the history of contests. There’s the Theory of Relativity, there’s the Invention of wheel and then there’s this contest.

While some saffron colored bandana-clad cow enthusiasts bludgeoned into Muslim localities and performed romantic flash mobs to display their bhakti, some prodigal sons of Mother India went around demolishing every mosque-like structure with hammers and sickles declaring, “MANDIR YAHI BANEGAAA!!” Such was the furore among the unemployed youth who were still waiting for their promised 15Lakh!

Observing these antics sitting in the bar chugging holycow-mutra was Republick Grosswami and his bae Scum-bit Patra. He stood up saying, “Hold my pint, Scum-bit. Lemme me show them how it’s done!”

He slipped into his cape, zoomed into the newsroom and declared, “Dear viewers, If not Mowgli ji then WHO?”

He went on to raise several issues which were pertinent to the upliftment of the country like:

“What’s the gotra of the opposition leader?”

“Why is Tukde-Tukde gang silent tonight?”

“Is it Ali vs Hanuman Bali this election?

“Hindu khatre mein”

“Nehru has to answer for the shortcomings of current govt.”

“Is the country ready for Mowgli ji’s greatness?”

It is high decibel drama with Republick Grosswami as the main hero, governing party as sidey and opposition the villain. One realizes, other news channels are not his competition. The aim is to oust Naagin and Sasural Simar ka!

Why ask stupid questions like: “How did the Rafale file go missing?” “Why did govt. allow Electoral bonds, which legitimizes corruption?” “Why is govt resorting to vote bank politics by trying to introduce CAB?” “Where are the smart cities?”

Two hoots to the obnoxious concept of “Journalism questioning the establishment”. With elections approaching, Grosswami is up for several field days.

After massaging the ego of our Supreme leader, Republick Grosswami claimed in ecstasy, “Can anybody beat that s#@t? THE NATION WANTS TO KNOW!?”

Mowgli ji, wiping his tears, mustering a squeaky voice replied “Bas kar pagle… ab…” *boohoo*




From a far corner a kid named Pappu, picking his nose with one hand and holding a chota bheem toy on another was looking at the proceedings all these while. He went running to his mom and announced, “Mom, Mujhe bhi PM PM khelna hai?”

The mom replied, “Yes son. You are the next CEO of our family business. Tera time ayega!”

As for our cutie Republick Grosswami, doesn’t matter who comes to power, he will lick his way to glory!


- by Legendeori


(Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and is to be taken in good humor. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.)

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